April 19, 2011

This painful life...

I had just turned onto my street after finishing my afternoon run with Baby and Big Puppy when I noticed my phone, securely placed in the stroller's cup holder for use in case of an emergency, lighting up with messages. I waited until my peaceful outing was over and I was back inside my house of chaos before allowing myself to be bombarded by phone messages and news alerts.

If I had any inclination of what news my phone would bring me, I would have been much quicker to return those phone calls and look at the news alerts. Or maybe I wouldn't have. Maybe I would have allowed myself to stay in my post-run euphoric peacefulness and spend the rest of the afternoon in total ignorant bliss until Hubby arrived home.

Through a series of of phone calls from friends and family here and hundreds of miles away and news channel phone apps, I was made aware of a terrible accident that had taken place almost literally in my own backyard. Two had been killed in the accident. Two had been killed doing the same thing that Hubby had walked out the door earlier that morning to do.

I felt my chest being crushed under the weight of devastating possibility. I tried calling Hubby. Instant voicemail. His phone was off. I frantically looked through his schedule, cursing myself for not having paid closer attention to what he had told me the night before. Hubby was scheduled to fly close to the same time the accident had happened. Panic. Fear. Extreme pain. I didn't know who to call or what to do.

I just picked up Baby and held him close. I paced my house sobbing and calling on God. I couldn't even muster a coherent prayer, only "Please, God" over and over. I kept glancing out my front windows hoping that the next car I saw out front would be Hubby's and not an unknown officer's.

Agony for almost three hours.

When I saw Hubby's truck pull into our driveway, I had never felt more relief. I met him at the door, still holding Baby tightly.

He walked through the door. Then he held me and Baby.

The military life is a very painful one. We are constantly surrounded by hurting people, and many times we feel the pain in our own home. Separations due to deployments, detachments, and death bring silent tears to those that left and those that were left behind. Military families all over the world are in pain and hurting. I have no answers and can offer little comfort.

But my God can offer all of the comfort we will ever need. Lean on Him. Trust in His will. Love Him. That's the only way I know to get through this kind of pain. Pray for God's comfort. Pray for our military families. Pray for your family.

"In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears." -Psalm 18:6



  1. Sometimes I wonder why we do it....and then we look at their faces and remember why!

    Thank you for sharing your experience.

  2. I couldn't have said it better myself.

  3. My heart goes out to you. I was a military wife too.


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