I recently noticed that I hadn't posted anything in over two months. I had absolutely no inspiration to write and wanted to share why.
When Hubby and I first got married we decided together that working was not a necessity for me and that it would be preferable if I didn’t work at all. However, the world has a different idea of what a wife should be and do. I began to feel ashamed of myself when others, inside and outside the military, would ask me if I had a job. At first I would sheepishly say that no, I did not work outside of the home. The next question (and a completely different topic for another time), since I didn’t have a job, I must have kids, right? No, kids are not in the plan right now. This would inevitably be followed by a look of disgust or pity and a quick change in the direction of the conversation.
There were a few times when I felt confident enough, or maybe just a little feisty, to proudly say that no, I don't have a full time job. My husband is a Marine and we have moved four times in the two years that we have been married. But sometimes I felt that I should be doing something more purposeful with my life. After all, most people that I talked to seemed to think that my “happy housewife” life was a ridiculous waste of time.
So, right after our move to our current duty station, I became one of the millions looking for a job and was one of the "fortunate" that found one...very easily. I was at work in my 8-5 desk job before the boxes were even unpacked in our new home.
I lasted 3.5 months before I literally couldn't stand another day. I hated wasting the time that Hubby is not deployed with me sitting behind a desk for 40 hours a week. My house was a mess, I heated frozen food for dinner, and I rarely had time to work out (something I LOVE to do). I cried several times while at work and came home in a terrible mood almost every day. Walking out of my office on my last day was one of the happiest days of my life.
God has not called me to be a career woman. I feel confident enough in the role that He has given me…to be married to a truly amazing man who is selflessly serving our country. My job is to be by his side through everything, to encourage him through the difficult times, and to provide a loving household as an escape from the realities of his dangerous job.
This is me fighting back at the world. I will not feel guilty or ashamed any longer at not spending my days the way the world thinks I should. God has called each of us to a special and unique place and season of life. Embrace that calling, don’t be ashamed of it as I was, and be the best ________ you have been called to be!
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I think you're making a good decision. I have loved staying home for my summer off and Ben says I am more peaceful and pleasant to be with when I'm not stressed from work.
ReplyDeleteYou must not love to shop as much as I do! That's why I work...to fund my spending and eating out addictions :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lynn! It is just what works best for our family. Good luck with the start of the school year!
ReplyDeleteI am a simple gal that loves to shop...not buy...shop! :)
That's basically why I hate working outside of the home too... I don't want to waste the time we have together! If he can come home for lunch, I want to sit down and have a meal with him. If he's working nights and home during the day, I want to be there with him.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I might try working (substitute teaching or something flexible) outside the home when we get to California... might not though. It was NOT a pretty picture when I was working full time the last time.
Guess I'm just trying to say I understand and I'm with you on this one.
I'm glad to know there are others! I was a substitute when we were in VA and loved it! I could plan my work schedule around Hubby's...it was perfect!
ReplyDeleteVery well said. But you do have a job! You are a Marine Wife, that is a heck of a job! :)
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't be ashamed that you don't have a job outside of the home, you are blessed. Not all women have that opportunity to be a homemaker! :)
I used to struggle with this too. Your first priority after God should definitely be being the helpmate God designed you to be. And for some that can mean working outside the home, and for some, it means not. Either way, good for you to listening to His call for your life and not the world's!
ReplyDeleteRemember, I once told you that you can be a well educated (mom) wife - it is perfectly OK. You have to do what works for you and Zach.
ReplyDeleteI was like you at first, ashamed of being a "housewife". but on all honesty, being in the house taking care of it is a job in itself. yes, you may not get paid but its hard work.
ReplyDeletei thought being a housewife was useless, until i became one. then i realized what everyone was fussing about.
i hated my job and i was doing both: housewife and being a working woman.
id rather be home than in a job that depresses me day after day. its not worth it.
Wow, I can definitely imagine the judgmental looks you got. When I went on childcare leave, I got those looks, too, even though I was caring for one and then two little ones! What I've told my husband a zillion times since is that there's a reason it used to be that one person took care of the house full-time (even without kids): it's a full-time job!! There's so much that doesn't get done when both spouses work. I think it took a lot of bravery to make the decision you did. Happy SITS day!
ReplyDeleteThis is an amazing post! I'm currently doing the desk job thing and hating every single second of it. I hope I can follow in your shoes soon!
ReplyDeleteYou just have to listen to God's calling for your life and boldly do what He called you to do and what is best for your family. Good luck!
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